Gender Violence; why have we forsaken the Men?

 Why have we forsaken the Men?

We have seen and heard many movements, awareness, discussions and other sorts kicking, speaking and doing almost everything to curb violence against women and to prevent their victimization.

Countless women have reported violence of all kind especially physical violence from their partners of which some led to deaths. you won't be shocked to know that when you surf the internet for information on gender violence, 90% of the result will be centered on violence against women.

Among the very few cases that were reported on male victimization were cases that led to their deaths. On 2nd of February, 2016, there was a reported case of a lawyer who brutally stabbed her husband to death in Ibadan. Also, Just saw few weeks ago on the 18^th of November was a report on Maryam who allegedly stabbed her husband to death. News has it that, that wasn’t the first time she had attempted to stab him and has even abused him in his home.

Now, my questions are

1. if he hadn’t died, would we have heard of the abuses he suffered in his home?

2. why are male victims silent about their victimization?   

                                                                                                              

From the chats interview I had with some persons, whose names would be withheld showed that just as we have women in an abusive relationship, men are also victims of abusive relationships.

I had the chat interview with 60 participants which included the married and unmarried, 30 male participants and 30 female participants. The following were the questions asked:

1. Have you ever slapped you partner or being slapped by your partner

2. If you get slapped by your partners what will you do

3. Will you say the reason why you have never had a domestic relationship is because of your good and gentle nature?

Of the 30 male participant that was contacted, 24 responded, 5 of the 24 participant have been slapped by their girlfriends and 2 of the 5 have also slapped their girlfriends. 19 of the 24 participants have never been slapped by their girlfriends and have never slapped their girlfriends. 15 of the 19 claimed they can’t do anything to warrant being slapped, (2) will slap her back if slapped, (1) will walk away because he loves his girlfriend, (1) will walk away because he can’t lay hands on women.

Of the 30 female participants that was contacted, 25 responded, 3 of which has been slapped by their boyfriends, 1 of the 3 said she slapped him back, 22 of the partcipants have never been slapped by their boyfriends, 16 of the 22 will end the relationship if they are slapped, 2 of the 21 will set him up to be dealt with, (3) will slap him back immediately, (1) will warn him never to try it again.

                                                                                                                                                                       

A male participant who said he retaliated expressed the he had received countless slaps from his girlfriend before eventually slapping her back and when he did, she reported him. He added that he regretted his action saying only weak men retaliates and mad men beat their partners every chance they get but he concluded by saying women are the frontiers of relationship violence.

A female participant in her words said “Bad people can be male or female, victims can be male or female but the focus is on bad men and female victims”

She added “Abused men are ashamed of coming out, some think it’s impossible for men to be abused and raped. It’s such a shame that this happens to men.”

Men, you need to realize that there is no shame in coming out to report their cases of physical violence, likewise, Activist should be aware that relationship violence cuts across both gender and if you have to preach, the should advocate against gender violence as opposed violence against women.

Also, if you have a violent partner especially when you are not married to the person, gently call off the relationship except you have two life. You don’t have to wait until afterlife because there is more to life than dying with knife holes in your chest and a swollen face.

SAY NO TO GENDER BASED VIOLENCE

By

Aramide Adedeji